by Anisa Easterbrook
So you’ve found a new girl, she seems pretty cool, likes the things you like, your friends like her and you may even fall for the girl. Hold up. Before giving your all and promising her the world there are a few alarm bell signs that you should be aware of. Everyone has flaws, embrace them, but after a series of unfortunate relationships, I obliged to warn other fellow lesbians when it is time to just stop, think and run from the bitch.
This should be an alarm bell but not to be confused with protecting or caring. BUT if your new girl is checking your phone and asking who you are messaging within the first few weeks of meeting, this is a sign that something is just not right. Possessiveness means insecurity and insecurity leads to all sorts of problems. When a girl is super insecure it means they are constantly on edge that you are going to leave them or cheat and there’s nothing you can do or say to make them feel differently. Everyone has their insecurities but just be careful to notice when it’s extreme or not.
2. Confused about their sexuality
I realise this may be an obvious one but just bear in mind if you are a girl’s ‘first’ you carry a lot of responsibility. It’s a confusing time for them, we’ve all been there but she could freak out and either completely latch onto you fast or more likely run away from both you and her sexuality. So hold back a bit, take things slow and try not to get too attached just yet.
3. Leaving shit in your room
Okay, so she may have just genuinely have accidently left something in your room but if you start to feel like it’s intentional and 3 days after meeting her – run from dat bitch man! In my experience, it can be anything from an earring, a top or even shoes. This is a controlling method of when they can next see you. They might be like ‘well I really need [insert item left] this back for work’ or whatever and therefore be the deciders of when they can and can’t see you.
4. Hard-core Druggies and Raging Alcoholics
Yeah. Stay away from them. And don’t try and do that weird thing where you think you can ‘save’ her. You can’t.
5. Sob stories on first date
If this bitch is crying to you about some horrendous, tragic life story within the first few times of meeting her and she is not wasted, it may just be time to run from the bitch. The sob story type of girl is constantly seeking attention and this will eventually get on your tits and you’ll tire of constantly being like ‘oh babe. I’m so sorry’. It’s weird. Most people will not share personal traumas until you know them really well.
6. Lesbians who enjoy male attention
If your girl has a small army of male followers be a little weary, they may just be her mates but mates don’t constantly flirt or make sex jokes with each other. If your girl is this type she’ll flirt with men on nights out and it’ll become really fucking annoying. Run from dat bitch.
So girls, the last bit advice of you I have to offer of surviving London as a lesbian is: if you’re serious about it, look at their past relationships; how long ago did they break up? Have all of their relationships been short-lived? If so you gotta wonder why. And.. listen and watch how I met your mother – I’m not kidding – The hot-crazy scale is a thing. Study it religiously. Make sure she’s hotter than she is crazy.